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“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”
“All that we are is the result of what we have thought. The mind is everything. What we think we become.”

Now here you go again
You say you want your freedom
Well who am I to keep you down
It’s only right that you should
Play the way you feel it
But listen carefully to the sound
Of your loneliness
Like a heartbeat.. drives you mad
In the stillness of remembering what you had
And what you lost…
And what you had…
And what you lost
Thunder only happens when it’s raining
Players only love you when they’re playing
Say… Women… they will come and they will go
When the rain washes you clean… you’ll know
Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions
I keep my visions to myself

this week has been challenging in many ways-but mostly to my ego. i have been questioning some direction i have been taking my work and i have been fatigued by those questions. i have been unsure, somewhat stuck, and really not connected-going through the motions, but not tasting much except perhaps the memories of flavors.

my healthcare providers have found traces of blood in my urine the last couple of samples and directed me to change one of my hiv meds to prevent any further possibility of kidney cancer. this was extremely thoughtful but at the same time it felt a little confrontational. i really didn’t want to hear about it.

in the meantime i purchased 3 months of the former med along with the others and the next day needed to buy 3 months of the new med. burning money i tell you.

i am in the process of refinancing my house. it is arduous and invasive. but these are platinum problems i know. so many of my comrades never had the options of meds and weren’t afforded the luxury of living. people are losing their homes at alarming rates to foreclosure and bankruptcy. refinancing to pay the loan off sooner is honestly very little trouble.

i have been at my workplace for 5 years as of yesterday. i have worked on 3 teams in 3 separate clinics. i’ve had 8 salary increases in those 5 years and was informed today i will be offered a promotion within a short time and that it is hoped that i accept. this felt like a gift really.

i am trying to work it out to travel to connecticut for peer coaching training to bring back to my clinic. i somehow have developed this idea to create a coaching academy for peers to work within the healthcare system. and even crazier, i would like to offer training to peers in other healthcare systems as well. none of this may come to fruition, but i do like to dream.

speaking of dreams, i love love love this version of dreams by bastille with gabrielle alpin.  let me know what you think…


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