david gray

a moment changes everything

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“Addiction is a decision. An individual wants something, whatever that something is, and makes a desicion to get it. Once they have it, they make a decision to take it. If they take it too often, that process of decision making gets out of control, and if it gets far out of control, it becomes an addiction. At that point the decision is a difficult one to make, but it is still a decision. Do I or don’t I. Am I going to take or am I not going to waste my life or am I going to say no and try and stay sober and be a decent person. It is a decision. Each and every time. A decision. String enough of those decisions together and you set a course and you set a standard of living. Addict or human. Genetics do not make that call. They are just an excuse. They allow people to say it wasn’t my fault I am genetically predisposed. It wasn’t my fault I was programmed from day one. It wasn’t my fault I didn’t have any say in the matter. Bullshit. Fuck that bullshit. There is always a decision. Take responsibility for it. Addict or human. It’s a fucking decision. Each and every time.”

— James Frey (A Million Little Pieces)

“The Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.
I broke something, Old Man.
How badly is it broken?
It’s in a million little pieces.
I’m afraid I can’t help you.
Why?
There’s nothing you can do.
Why?
It can’t be fixed.
Why?
It’s broken beyond repair. It’s in a million little pieces.”

— James Frey (A Million Little Pieces)

no matter what has been said, or what has been decided, i believe i can understand the truth when i hear it. now whether that truth is original or not has not been defined in my particular skillset. but i definitely know that james frey’s words moved me as i read them. and for some strange reason, i believe they still do. sorry oprah, but i think your ego might have blinded you. but that’s ok. i make mistakes all the time.
and thanks james. i truly loved reading your books. i think i liked “my friend leonard” the best.

and twisted

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             “Be like a flower and turn your face to the sun.”- Kahlil Gibran

jim and i watched a german film called cherry blossoms last night and i must say we were yawning during the beginning. it is a slow and steady paced story about a disconnected adult nuclear family that encounters the daily situations most of us will at some time. the father is diagnosed with a terminal illness, the wife/mother is consulted first and decides not to disclose until family visits have taken place. the couple head to berlin from bavaria to visit 2 of their 3 adult offspring and encounter indifference and nonchalant condescension aimed at the parents. the 3rd son, living in tokyo, is referenced with a crystal understanding that this 3rd son was special.  the family in general are not close, nor does it even seem possible that they were ever under the same roof. yet they were.

but as this quiet and tenacious story unfolds, it is revealed that the mother, who is the nerve center of the nucleus, has always yearned for a different life than the one she had. she wouldn’t have traded her kids and her family even if she had been able. the visit goes a bit sour in berlin and the couple decide to go to the baltic- to get some sun and sea air. while there, unexpectedly, a surprise tragedy occurs and the storyline shifts again.

this new chapter finds the characters in tokyo, visiting the son and trying to carve out a new understanding of where their life is headed. it must be late spring in tokyo as the cherry blossoms are everywhere- hence the name. the dance of the cherry blossoms in the breeze is reflected in the movement of the characters from this point forward. there are surprises here, bringing both smiles and uneasiness.

i loved this film. i didn’t jump for joy nor did i cling to the edge of my seat. but i did find that the storytelling was solid. the plot moved and twisted in the breeze. it reminded me that the desires of people don’t necessarily match their lives. and that love and codependency are real, even surreal, they have meaning and they can be weighty.

it’s a good film. pretty, prickly, and perceptive. and jim makes movies more fun.

i have posted the soft cell/marc almond version of this song  previously, but i hadn’t heard david gray. i am absolutely mad for him. his vocals, his poetry, his storytelling. i thought it fitting somehow. hope you enjoy it, too.