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superior mirage of the boats painting
an optical phenomenon, especially in the desert or at sea, bywhich the image of some object appears displaced above,below, or to one side of its true position as a result of spatialvariations of the index of refraction of air.
something illusory, without substance or reality.

i can’t remember being filled with as much anger and disappointment as i \have now coursing through my veins. well- that’s not true- the last time was in 2008. connectedly, there are lessons here for me- i just need to get some distance before i can let all those in. and that anger just may be the same ancient anger- a little like the kraken unleashed.

i have a tendency to say “yes” to things when i might want to honestly take a closer look. but even then- as in this case, i may only see what i want to see. i push past the red flags and keep my eye on my prize.  one of the biggest part of this is the inability for me to comprehend that i might not have been up to the task. how do i hear what is going on that isn’t being said? how do i see beyond what i want to see? a really frustrating aspect to my current predicament is that i did say “no” once. i just didn’t stick with that answer.

as i was reading about mirages, i came to understand that mirages are caused by refractions of light with the influence of heat. images appear to be different than they are- whether they bend in an inverted direction or not depends upon the circumstances. in my current situation, it remains to be determined which this is. but no doubt it has been a mirage. or maybe more pointedly, i saw something i wanted to see that just wasn’t there.

so for fun- i thought i would google how to wake from a bad dream. here is something i found. i doubt i will follow all these steps, but it certainly offers some perspective. and i need to smile these days. otherwise i am cavorting with the kraken.


  1. 1

    Realize that this is a dream, and nothing can harm you. To do this, it may help to try attempting something you could never do in real life.

  2. 2

    Look around and see anything out of the ordinary. If you find something, say a flying pig, think about it and realize this would never happen in real life. This may help you wake up if you realize that you are dreaming.

  3. 3

    Decide if you wish to avoid or face the object of your fear.

  4. 4

    To escape the dream into a different dream, try to look down and begin spinning in place. A series of images should flash by, and this will usually change the dream scene without waking you.

  5. 5

    First of all, try the standard wake up procedure. Throw your head back, and try to open your eyes. Concentrate on waking up, and use as much willpower as you can muster. Don’t worry if this fails – some people just can’t do it quite so quickly.

  6. 6

    If the previous step didn’t work, try controlling your dreams. If you are not totally and utterly lucid, this probably won’t work. Just try to teleport (again, extreme mental willpower) to a place with a giant alarm clock or wake-up machine, and do whatever you need.

  7. 7

    If you just want to wake up, try reading something like a book or a sign. Do not “just know” what it says, concentrate on the words and the letters. This usually activates a portion of your brain that is disabled in REM sleep. This is the same reason why you musn’t panic if you aren’t as smart in dreams as you are in real life.

  8. 8

    Blink! Close your eyes and wait a few seconds before re-opening them. Since your eyes are already closed in real life, sometimes when you open your eyes in a dream you open them in real life, waking you up. You may have to do this several times before it works.

  9. 9

    A classic: Pinching yourself. It works for some people.

  10. 10

    Failing all of the above, you can attempt to fly away. This will signal you are in a dream to your brain. To do it, simply jump and try to, well, fly!

  11. 11

    Stop thinking about the nightmare. Close your eyes, tightly and try to think about the real world. Think about your bed room scene, like what is it like when you wake up. Talk to yourself, and now try to open your eyes. You will feel that your eyes are actually glued together. Just concentrate on the real world.

  12. 12

    Another way of escape is to climb up onto an escalated ground (ex: the top of a staircase, a cliff) and just jump off.

  13. 13

    Run straight into a wall. You won’t be hurt, but you will wake up. Or run into the enemy and let him/her eat or harm you. You won’t die or hurt as well but you’ll wake up.

  14. 14

    If you are able to talk in your dream (sometimes you can’t): Keep saying “Wake Up!” over and over.

  15. 15

    If all else fails, attempt to kill yourself in the dream. Contrary to all the myths, this will not kill you in real life. Try anything. Whether its flinging yourself from a roller coaster or cutting off your own head, figure out a way.

invisible light

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I’ll call you anything you want if I can say it’s mine.
This story’s never ending.
My footprint’s been erased.
Here you are, kiss of Evil,
I see your mouth, Or is it really…

had dinner at parallel 17 last night with friends and then went to Vintage Theatre to see their production of “Equus”. quite a full Saturday evening for me. dinner was very very good as has come to be expected from p17’s upscale vietnamese offerings. the company was sweet. there were three people who share in a community garden so there was lots of talk about seeds, vegetables, and cooking. all things that i love dearly.

the play was memorable. maybe partially because the space is so small and we sat front row. but i think more memorable because the lead performances were steeped in truth and the play itself is compelling and reigns you in as it methodically unveils the workings of a psychotherapist and his dance with a young man who has developed a toxic theology to protect himself from the real world he inhabits.
both provided a lovely distraction from my routine and gave me distraction from my current disappointment. i must say i am highly confused about where i am right now. this feeling of let-down has rolled onto my life very much like the most recent tsunami, tainting almost everything in its path. i find myself trying to figure how where to start shovelling up and digging out. frankly, not only does it feel as if the wind is knocked out of me, but i am afraid of what i am going to find when the clean-up begins.

last week i remember watching the footage from japan and trying to find faith in all that disaster. and i find that i am juggling the same concepts today. i haven’t necessarily lost faith. i just have to rekindle my connection to it. no doubt, on reason i find myself feeling as i do now is a result of disconnect.

having a sense of direction seems a great relief when contrasted with
 disillusionment and disappointment.