the cat that ate the canary

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image credit… things that dreams are made of blog

(idiomatic) A person who appears self-satisfied or smug, especially while concealing something mischievous, prohibited, or private

(idiomatic) A person whose appearance and behavior suggest guilt mixed with other qualities, such as satisfaction or feigned nonchalance.

this recent 4 day week has left me at once drained of thoughts yet full of wonder and hope. i have found myself amidst a myriad of projects which leads my manic-leaning brain to a really lovely place, but while there i am forced to remind myself of my limitations and a mandate to forgo perfection. 
my duties have taken a swift and slight turn to my “right” and it certainly feels that way. my fear (connected to hope) is that this shift will somehow just be temporary- but this last bit is completely my own psychology getting in my way.
last summer, while i was spending a short time as a member of the board for a local recovery advocacy organization, i was taking steps to begin to add to the current culture at my workplace. and by add i mean to start including the idea of success and recovery to our programs. since methadone is such an integral part of our clinic’s make-up and there are such a multitude of peripheral issues with that population-i.e. criminal, mental health, physical health, poverty- that success may have just slipped to below the horizon when working with our people on a day-to-day basis. re-introducing this idea and integrating into our daily operations has the potential to be a magnanimous gift to all concerned- clients and staff alike. 
in grantee fashion, it is time for our annual customer satisfaction survey. most of our patients are at our clinic 3-6 days a week and we are conducting the survey for 1 week. this year i asked to include the peer specialists and some patients who are doing well in their recovery to participate and help facilitate. i am thrilled that we get to include the peers and highlight peer support and the idea of success. we will have a drawing for a free week of treatment. i believe strongly that each time a client participates, we are acknowledging their ability and their value.
i have been facilitating a group for gay clients (mostly hiv+) for 3 years. recently my schedule changed and it became necessary to end that group. i am working to start a new one at a different time and i have tried to re-brand it and give it a new personality. as groups go, it was probably time for a change anyway. the new group has struggled with attendance over the last 2 months, but the last 2 weeks have brought some new blood. yesterdays group included a referral from a state agency who seems to be a bit of a drifter, unemployed and reports to be living with a meth addict. he seems puzzled why he has lost 2 jobs because of his mandatory UA’s. this is one great example of  the kind of outreach i hope to generate. i think it is called unmet need. i have been struggling with the logistics of developing a service that might be aptly called pre-treatment. it basically is outreach that supports helping people get connected with services (especially substance abuse) by enhancing their motivation to change. there are not many funding streams for this activity which creates challenges in grant funded operations. personally, i believe it also falls under the umbrella of recovery support services with the support being aimed at before recovery. hopefully GAB will be allowed to grow and we can see if this might have a positive effect. here is the new marketing collateral deliciously served up by jenna legrand at rocket house designs. i contacted malone sizelove in chicago and he graciously agreed to allow me to panhandle the name of his satirical and penetrating  GAB magazine which had a long and healthy shelf life emanating from boystown chicago in the 1990’s. you can see more about bhicago’s GAB magazine on facebook.

i stumbled upon this mash-up from summer 2012 and it’s haunting quality has captured an unfinished part of my spirit. feel free to listen a time or two. i believe there is magic in here. if you are interested, you can listen to a plethera of mashups from daft beatles on soundcloud here


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image credit.. ddmag.. tumblr

In music, a single or record single is a type of release, typically a recording of fewer tracks than an LP record or an album. This can be released for sale to the public in a variety of different formats. In most cases, the single is a song that is released separately from an album, but it usually appears on an album. Often, these are the most popular songs from albums that are released separately for promotional uses such as commercial radio airplay, and in other cases a recording released as a single does not appear on an album….wikipedia

i injured my knee at cardio class about a month ago. i had been working out regularly until that point. i had begun to drop some inches and my clothes had been fitting better. the weight has been coming back on and i find myself eating emotionally. it annoys me, but there it is. i have been immersing myself in the new position at my workplace and have met about 45 new patients this month. i will be working with them fairly regularly and it has been a challenge to try to absorb personal information about them.

the changes continue to manifest themselves in me and around me. i have scheduled myself tightly over the next month. i am working 40 hours at one job, 2 evenings at another job, and then i have 10 parties on the books in december as well. i borrowed some cash to bring “the anonymous people” to denver and i want to get most of that paid back. sadly, i have distanced myself from the organization that i was working with at the time, but the debt is mine.

i am working on re-imaging a support group i facilitate. i haven’t made all the final decisions yet, just mulling them over. i am posting the ideas here- but i have added one more – we’ll see how it goes. i moved the times on the group from late afternoon on friday to a lunchtime thing. i got the idea from a 1990’s chicago magazine by the name of “gab” which i always found entertaining. i did contact malone sizelove (founder of gab) to ask permission to use the name. these are meant to be 4″x4″ cards printed both sides- the 1st image will be on every card and then i am trying to ascertain what to place on the back. i have asked jenna (rocket house design) to try an old cover from “confidential magazine” as well. i would love to know what you think.

RR Gab Card Looks

i have encounter a german man on youtube and found his taste in music to be remarkable. he could easily have classic german minimalist taste, but i have become a huge fan and an idea-snatcher. somehow i stumbled upon his posts and discovered nicolas jaar and clown and sunset, which has honestly revolutionized my concept of music in 2012.