A change is gonna come

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The celebration of multiple pathways and styles of addiction recovery is a central tenet of the new addiction recovery advocacy movement. And yet if one listens carefully to the diversity of recovery stories rising from this movement, there is a striking and shared central thread that forms the connecting tissue across secular, spiritual, and religious frameworks of recovery; across recovery in diverse populations and cultural contexts; and across the mediums of natural recovery, recovery mutual aid, and professionally-assisted recovery initiation. That central thread is a sustained, irrevocable commitment for personal change.
The celebration of multiple pathways and styles of addiction recovery is a central tenet of the new addiction recovery advocacy movement. And yet if one listens carefully to the diversity of recovery stories rising from this movement, there is a striking and shared central thread that forms the connecting tissue across secular, spiritual, and religious frameworks of recovery; across recovery in diverse populations and cultural contexts; and across the mediums of natural recovery, recovery mutual aid, and professionally-assisted recovery initiation. That central thread is a sustained, irrevocable commitment for personal change…. William White




AOR- new growth way overdue

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flower skull

this is my battle cry this decade. the opioid epidemic continues to be uber drenched in stigma and needs to be fought for tooth and nail. below is a press release from AOR.  stay tuned for more revelation. I have chosen die antwoord to put with this subject because of the complete juxtaposition. a real tough to swallow situation with an almost “from outer space” response until now. we have all had our heads in the ground. time to wake up. its time to fink freeky.

Former U.S. House Speaker Newt Gingrich, Former U.S. Representative Patrick J. Kennedy and President of The Dream Corps Van Jones are partnering to launch Advocates for Opioid Recovery (AOR), a nonprofit organization dedicated to breaking down the barriers to proven, effective, evidence-based treatments that can reduce death and suffering from opioid addiction.

Nearly 50,000 people died of accidental drug overdose in 2014, and of these, close to 29,000 were opioid related. Most people living with addiction are not receiving treatment, and when they are, they aren’t receiving the most effective care. Treatment with medication is dramatically more effective than behavioral counseling alone yet less than 50% are receiving this medication.

Recent scientific breakthroughs have shown that opioid addiction is a chemically-based, DNA-driven disease, to which people are genetically predisposed. Recovery medications like buprenorphine and naltrexone significantly reduce opioid cravings and the risk of fatal overdose, while moving those with opioid dependence to stable, long term recovery. Unfortunately, significant regulatory, legislative and ideological barriers prevent people from accessing this treatment…… read the rest here…


sunday kind of love…..silver sun pickups

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sometimes 1

sometimes 2

There are so many moments that cause me to recognize just how much i’m changing. i have been busy 6 days a week for about 1/2 year and sundays have become precious. full of value and a mixed bag, too. i rest often, but i also give myself a hard time because i am not doing more. it’s a toxic thought cocktail.

my friend sarolta went to see silver sun pickups last night. her posting reminded me how his band. maybe you will too.


my heart is a boat on the sea

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boat on a sea


The Search

Into the darkness shall come the Light

And along with the Light, the Son.

For tis the Fate of Man to strive

“til a God-like dignity is won.

For thence shall flow the bliss of Love.

And the Solitude of One….. Paul Jelaco  2009

It never occurred to me in 2004 when I had no other options than to get sober that my life would ever be able to reflect any goodness or light. I certainly hadn’t felt anything good about myself in a really long time. Truthfully, I felt that disappearing would be my best gift for the world.

It had been that way for as long as I could remember and it didn’t change for quite some time after I started to sober up. About a year into sobriety, I decided to get a sponsor and work the steps. I wasn’t eager about it, but I had to rack up some recovery capital and I had no idea how else to do it.

I couldn’t figure out how to pick a sponsor. I knew of several characters with time in my meetings but I found most of them caustic or bully-ish. I grew up with bullies and I wasn’t about to be shamed or coerced into any spiritual action. That happened in my childhood with my family’s church and I am left soured to religion in a PTSD sort of way.

I had seen Paul around for awhile. He was a classic big book thumper. He carried an AA book to every meeting. He often shared ” the only thing you need to know about God is you’re not God”. He was gentle and I thought I could probably manipulate him. I wasn’t right.

He insisted that I do things in the traditional way. He also insisted that I consider the notion that God does not create Junk- (meaning me) It took awhile for that to sink in. Luckily it has.

Paul saved my life. He gave me life really. He never lost faith in me. Even when so often I had no faith in myself. I think he was actually proud of me. He saw all the things my internalized shame doesn’t allow me to see. He forgave me for being human. I only wish he had forgiven himself more. Although I learned from him that what we believe and how we maneuver in the world don’t always match.  That comes with emotional sobriety.

Paul passed away riddled with cancer and a long bout with treatment. He was a counselor in a methadone clinic near the park that I live near. I shut down spiritually when he passed. I can’t say I’ve completely recovered from his departure yet. Years ago and I’m still a basket case – living in neutral with no real desire to shift in forward or backward.

Oddly enough I am working with some people that he used to work with and am a counselor in a methadone clinic. One of my co-workers gave me a poem he wrote. My heart is tender and so I post as I remember.

I love you Paul. Thank you. Safe travels..

There’s a lamp that won’t light
In my poetry room
And children out playing
And a big full moon
My man’s barricaded down in his womb
He’ll be coming out soon
I remember when I met him
He blew in like the wind
No one was more beautiful
Or dangerous than him
He blew through my soul
Like a tangerine wind
He’ll be coming out soon
I never knew I
Was built so strong
My heart
My heart is a boat on the sea
I never thought I
Was built for hurricanes
My heart
My heart is a boat on the sea







Sunday Kind of Love ………….Corey Daye

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With her light, airy vocals, Bronx-born Cory Daye helped to transform Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band into one of the most exciting bands of the late-’70s disco era. Creating some of the earliest disco recordings, Daye and Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band skillfully mixed big band, swing, jump blues, Broadway tunes, and Caribbean influences into their infectious dance music.

Leaving Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band to pursue a solo career, Daye found immediate success. Fueled by a double-sided 12″ hit single, “Green Light” and “Pow Wow,” her debut solo album, Cory and Me, attained gold status.

Set back by the collapse of disco, Daye joined Kid Creole & the Coconuts in the early ’80s, singing on their 1982 album, Tropical Gangsters, and appearing as a guest vocalist on their 1995 album, To Travel Sideways.

Resuming her solo career, Daye recorded a pair of 12″ singles, “City Nights” b/w “Manhattan Cafes” in 1986 and “Middle of the Night in 1987. Since the early 2000s, she has worked with writer/producer Coati Mundi…… Excerpted from      www.allmusic.com

I remember vividly frolicking at a legendary gay nightclub in Chicago called Broadway Limited in the mid 1970’s. The quarter drink nights on Tuesdays, stellar dj’s, and the music that became a soundtrack for my early out years. The first time I heard “Cherchez La Femme” by Dr. Buzzard’s Original Savannah Band” the my axis shifted. The vintage big band sound was hypnotizing certainly, but it was the haunting and clarevoyant sound of Corey Daye that created a lifelong lambic pathway from my ear to my soul. Her voice retains that power over me to this day.   Zoot Suit City… August Darnell.. Coati Mundi.. Lori Eastside….   Corey Daye was and is a Sunday kind of love for me.

I want a Sunday kind of love
A love to last past Saturday night
And I’d like to know
It’s more than love at first sight
And I want a Sunday kind of love
Oh yeah, yeah




Is CARA merely a thought balloon?

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This is a Call-Up to wake the frock up. We’ve been living in a dream world for too long.

The big news in treatment  and recovery world this month is the passage of CARA -which is the first response to the bloating prescription drug epidemic that has been the root of the 130-something opiate overdoses completely ignored (until now) by our quagmired puppeteer-driven DC leadership. 130-something Americans dying every day while our elected officials squabble about providing funding to address the epidemic. Their  solution  is to bare bones the effort, manage some photo-ops, then make a direct line to dive into the longest summer break in this century’s history. Meanwhile, the 130-something daily American overdose fatalities continue to pile up like floating refuse at a clogged street drain.

although CARA could be an affective first step in rerouting this insanity, it needs to be more than an image of a response to be effective. We need education and reframing on a systemic level if things are to change. This current thought bubble of an effort hardly stands a chance.

Fellow Americans- we need to take a long hard look at what our priorities and values are as a nation. It’s a great time to work for change. Stop calling ourselves Christian and while we ignore our neighbors dying.

The Comprehensive Addiction and Recovery Act (CARA) establishes a comprehensive, coordinated, balanced strategy through enhanced grant programs that would expand prevention and education efforts while also promoting treatment and recovery.

The bill passed the U.S. Senate on March 10, 2016, by a vote of 94-1.

Brief Summary of Provisions of CARA

Expand prevention and educational efforts—particularly aimed at teens, parents and other caretakers, and aging populations—to prevent the abuse of methamphetamines, opioids and heroin, and to promote treatment and recovery.
Expand the availability of naloxone to law enforcement agencies and other first responders to help in the reversal of overdoses to save lives.
Expand resources to identify and treat incarcerated individuals suffering from addiction disorders promptly by collaborating with criminal justice stakeholders and by providing evidence-based treatment.
Expand disposal sites for unwanted prescription medications to keep them out of the hands of our children and adolescents.
Launch an evidence-based opioid and heroin treatment and intervention program to expand best practices throughout the country.
Launch a medication assisted treatment and intervention demonstration program.
Strengthen prescription drug monitoring programs to help states monitor and track prescription drug diversion and to help at-risk individuals access services.


Ring, ring, it’s 7:00 A.M.
Move yourself to go again
Cold water in the face
Brings you back to this awful place
Knuckle merchants and your bankers too
Must get up and learn those rules
Weather man and the crazy chief
One says sun and one says sleet
A.M., the F.M. the P.M. too
Churnin’ out that boogaloo
Gets you up and it gets you out
But how long can you keep it up?
Gimme Honda, gimme Sony
So cheap and real phony
Hong Kong dollar, Indian cents
English pounds and Eskimo pence
You lot, what?
Don’t stop, give it all you got
You lot, what?
Don’t stop, yeah
You lot, what?
Don’t stop, give it all you got
You lot, what?
Don’t stop, yeah
Working for a rise, better my station
Take my baby to sophistication
Seen the ads, she thinks it’s nice
Better work…


recovery grows in colorado

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on September 17th 2016 at the colorado state capitol from 9am until 1pm we are hoping that hundreds of coloradans will get together and raise the roof on recovery capital at an event we are calling surrounded by recovery.

please consider joining us

as we circle the capital at noon and hold hands to raise awareness that recovery works and needs a voice. lets get this party started!!!!


surrounded by recovery is a combination of celebration of national recovery month combined with a consciousness raising effort to shine light upon some important issues in our state including:

  1. the prescription drug dependence and overdose epidemic that is affecting all 50 states but disproportionately in a few rural counties. a shift in approach to opioid use and treatment is needed now.  recovery oriented treatment.
  2. the ever increasing need to use treatment and recovery instead of incarceration.
  3. mental health and wellness need to combined and blended in treatment and recovery options as at least 1/2 of each discipline are affected by both.  mental health issues and substance use issues are integrated issues and need to be treated as such.
  4. families of origin and families of choice are invaluable resources and supports for persons seeking recovery. behavioral health dollars need to include more emphasis on families as well as individuals.
  5. recovery support and resiliency support by peers and prevention measures are quintessential to the majority of recovery success stories. all public money which is used for addiction and mental health issues  should include prevention, treatment, and recovery as part of every strategy.
  6. drug treatment can be effective, however it is not successful in an island. the treatment philosophy needs to change to a (rosc) recovery oriented system of care. treatment is a vehicle to get to recovery/resilience. recovery demands support to maintain.


sunday kind of love….richie havens

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About #BlackLivesMatter

Black Lives Matter is a unique contribution that goes beyond extrajudicial killings of Black people by police and vigilantes. It goes beyond the narrow nationalism that can be prevalent within some Black communities, which merely call on Black people to love Black, live Black and buy Black, keeping straight cis Black men in the front of the movement while our sisters, queer and trans and disabled folk take up roles in the background or not at all. Black Lives Matter affirms the lives of Black queer and trans folks, disabled folks, Black-undocumented folks, folks with records, women and all Black lives along the gender spectrum. It centers those that have been marginalized within Black liberation movements. It is a tactic to (re)build the Black liberation movement.




Uncomfortably numb

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Something has been on my mind lately. So many people including me seem to look past so many very obvious truths in order to maintain a less stressful life. It’s almost like “if I don’t see it it’s not really happening”

‘such is the case with” black lives matter”. It’s just too damn overwhelming to take that puppy on. Too much of a sacrifice to fight that fight. I’ll just stay in the dark.

my guess is that our culture is so politically charged and overrun with bullshit that most of us are in a constant state of numb-and if not there are many of us who find ways to be numb every chance we get.

Both the legislative and judicial systems are further evidence of this “checking out” phenomenon. The net value of those systems are so low that we dare not collectively call any of the payers on their misbehavior a.

the press is so biased that while citizens are being massacred in unprecedented numbers, the reports don’t delve beyond surface curiosity. We continue to trust and rely on those we know are consistently lying to us.

drugs and alcohol issues are no different. Treatment fails us in so many ways, but because it would be so hard to change the system, and we would have so much conflict, we choose to lock people up or let them overdose rather than fight like never before.

It’s horrifying really. We are self involved and jaded. Like Rome before the fall. And it’s most likely because it’s too hard to figure it all out.





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I cannot even remotely claim to be an artist. I imagine. I create. I copy and mimic. I dream. I am entrepreneurial. I market, network, and build capacity. I sometimes even inspire. I would like to consider myself avant but never an artist. I have loved and admired both art and artists just as closely as food and water for as long I can remember.

it has not been easy to have the brain type that swims among inspiration especially while swimming along side those that can’t claim that gift. People grow weary of the abundance of ideas so pushback and criticism often run like piping along the hems of a cloak of creative energy.

I joke often that I have an idea every five minutes. Frankly, it feels just like that. It’s a blessing which has a dark side for sure. I get tired of my ides sometimes. Now and then I long to be flat. Dull. Uninspired. I just don’t roll that way.

Never have I claimed that my ideas are good ones. Or valuable. But they are my contribution to the world. And I know very well how blessed it is to have a gift to give.