the voice

buddha… take the wheel

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“A man asked Gautama Buddha, "I want happiness." Buddha said, "First remove "I," that's Ego, then remove "want," that's Desire. See now you are left with only "Happiness.”
“A man asked Gautama Buddha, “I want happiness.”
Buddha said, “First remove “I,” that’s Ego, then remove “want,” that’s Desire.
See now you are left with only “Happiness.”

i have been so intent on getting going with the trainings that some of the enjoyment of everyday life left the building quietly and without notice. last weekend i had to stop, take a few minutes, and face down a few truths about myself and what i know about life.

i can’t

you can

i might as well let you

it’s a pretty simple philosophy yet i can complicate it so effortlessly with in the quagmire of my own desires. if i had forgotten, i am truly human and consistently flawed. i have come to believe that my worth and my contribution has some value (core belief) which is a huge distance to travel in the 11 years of recovery. and for that i am forever thankful. but i continue to lose my way as i try to give what i can. i am not in charge. and i get confused about whether i am a “good witch or a bad witch”. there is never a question about whether there is ability but i do struggle with motivation. and control.

 

“Jesus Take The Wheel”

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Going home to see her Mama and her Daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It’d been a long hard year

She had a lot on her mind and she didn’t pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn’t even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to the shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said I’m sorry for the way
I’ve been living my life
I know I’ve got to change
So from now on tonight

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can’t do this on my own
I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
Oh, Jesus take the wheel

Oh, I’m letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I’m on
From this road I’m on
Jesus take the wheel

Oh, take it, take it from me.
Oh, wow, ohhhhh.

how does it feel

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A university professor visited the Japanese master Nan-in to inquire about Zen. The professor tried to impress the master with all his knowledge. Nan-in served his guest tea. He poured the professor's cup full, and then kept on pouring. The professor watched the cup overflow until he could no longer restrain himself. "Stop! It is overflowing. No more will go in!" "Like this cup," Nan-in said, "you are full with idle thought. You must first empty your cup before I can show you Zen."
A university professor visited the Japanese master Nan-in to inquire about Zen. The professor tried to impress the master with all his knowledge.
Nan-in served his guest tea. He poured the professor’s cup full, and then kept on pouring.
The professor watched the cup overflow until he could no longer restrain himself. “Stop! It is overflowing. No more will go in!”
“Like this cup,” Nan-in said, “you are full with idle thought. You must first empty your cup before I can show you Zen.”

 

electric koolaid acid trip is a phrase (or partial phrase) that i remember from my childhood. it refers to powerful visions or experiences that are associated with acid trips.

i feel as if i am on a trip right now. the emotions and the intricacies of my experience at this juncture is powerfully visible and exaggerated.  i be trippin.

it’s like i have been bitten by an hallucinogenic bug and i am swollen from my body’s reaction. the swelling aches and i can’t wait for things to get back to normal.